Jessica's Testimony
Buna!
Here is Jessica's testimony about her trip with DI Short-term Mission Team to Romania and Moldvoa last summer.
Remember Marvin the Martian? He was always trying to blow up the earth for some unspoken reason. He’d put a stick of dynamite in his doomsday device pointed straight at our lovely planet, and then turn around with his ears plugged in anticipation, at which point Bugs Bunny would appear out of nowhere and steal the dynamite. Then without fail, Marvin would turn around, see the earth still intact, and ask “Where’s the ka-boom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering ka-boom!”
As I prepared to leave for Romania and Moldova, I was hoping/expecting an earth-shattering ka-boom for my spiritual life. I was ready to be wholly taken away by the Spirit and have an experience that would consume my whole being. The experience I had, however, had me asking, “Where’s the ka-boom?”
For about the first week, I couldn’t have been more excited to be serving my Lord. “I love to be with people who love to serve God,” I wrote on July 6. I was reveling in the fantastic opportunity God had given me to lead his children home. Slowly, however, something else started to creep into my thoughts: I wrote that I was “tired” and “anxious” and that there were “some challenges,” but all my understatements were an attempt to lie to myself; by the time we arrived in Moldova I was the most depressed I had been since my mother’s death.
Everything was so dark. I was lonely and isolated. I couldn’t convey why I was so upset and, even worse, I couldn’t express the greatness of Our Savior to our program’s attendees. Each night I went to bed early to read my Bible, but after about a half-hour, all I could do was offer tear-stained prayers asking for guidance; again and again throughout my journal, I wrote “I need help, God.”
The morning of July 14, though, it all ended. I woke an hour and a half before my alarm. The sun had just come up, so since I had light and a good amount of time before anyone else would be up, I read my Bible and prayed—begged—the Lord to lead me to the exact verse I needed. I read the entire book of James, but when I finished, I knew my prayers were finally answered because one verse stood out to me:
“Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”
James 4:7b
Duh! Suddenly it all seemed so obvious! I had, before then, acknowledged that my depression was the devil’s work, that he was trying to interfere with the mission. I had asked God to fix it. I had begged Him to let me be happy again. But it wasn’t until that early morning that I realized: it’s not God’s job; He isn’t going to just do everything for me, I have to work. It’s something I had been taught before, but when you feel helpless, it is so very easy to forget elementary lessons.
The next thing I remember, I was repeating “In the name of Jesus Christ, get out, get away,” to the devil and the depression. Again and again and again and again…I don’t know how long it went on, but I couldn’t stop saying it. It was like finding a buoy while drowning in the ocean: I couldn’t let go of it. Maybe fifteen minutes later, I was out of breath, but the sadness was gone. I felt God again. I smiled, and for the first time in a week, it wasn’t forced. I laughed. I thanked the Lord over and over for James’ reminder. I was light. I was happy. I was free.
Freedom. That’s a ka-boom.
Here is Jessica's testimony about her trip with DI Short-term Mission Team to Romania and Moldvoa last summer.
Remember Marvin the Martian? He was always trying to blow up the earth for some unspoken reason. He’d put a stick of dynamite in his doomsday device pointed straight at our lovely planet, and then turn around with his ears plugged in anticipation, at which point Bugs Bunny would appear out of nowhere and steal the dynamite. Then without fail, Marvin would turn around, see the earth still intact, and ask “Where’s the ka-boom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering ka-boom!”
As I prepared to leave for Romania and Moldova, I was hoping/expecting an earth-shattering ka-boom for my spiritual life. I was ready to be wholly taken away by the Spirit and have an experience that would consume my whole being. The experience I had, however, had me asking, “Where’s the ka-boom?”
For about the first week, I couldn’t have been more excited to be serving my Lord. “I love to be with people who love to serve God,” I wrote on July 6. I was reveling in the fantastic opportunity God had given me to lead his children home. Slowly, however, something else started to creep into my thoughts: I wrote that I was “tired” and “anxious” and that there were “some challenges,” but all my understatements were an attempt to lie to myself; by the time we arrived in Moldova I was the most depressed I had been since my mother’s death.
Everything was so dark. I was lonely and isolated. I couldn’t convey why I was so upset and, even worse, I couldn’t express the greatness of Our Savior to our program’s attendees. Each night I went to bed early to read my Bible, but after about a half-hour, all I could do was offer tear-stained prayers asking for guidance; again and again throughout my journal, I wrote “I need help, God.”
The morning of July 14, though, it all ended. I woke an hour and a half before my alarm. The sun had just come up, so since I had light and a good amount of time before anyone else would be up, I read my Bible and prayed—begged—the Lord to lead me to the exact verse I needed. I read the entire book of James, but when I finished, I knew my prayers were finally answered because one verse stood out to me:
James 4:7b
Duh! Suddenly it all seemed so obvious! I had, before then, acknowledged that my depression was the devil’s work, that he was trying to interfere with the mission. I had asked God to fix it. I had begged Him to let me be happy again. But it wasn’t until that early morning that I realized: it’s not God’s job; He isn’t going to just do everything for me, I have to work. It’s something I had been taught before, but when you feel helpless, it is so very easy to forget elementary lessons.
The next thing I remember, I was repeating “In the name of Jesus Christ, get out, get away,” to the devil and the depression. Again and again and again and again…I don’t know how long it went on, but I couldn’t stop saying it. It was like finding a buoy while drowning in the ocean: I couldn’t let go of it. Maybe fifteen minutes later, I was out of breath, but the sadness was gone. I felt God again. I smiled, and for the first time in a week, it wasn’t forced. I laughed. I thanked the Lord over and over for James’ reminder. I was light. I was happy. I was free.
Freedom. That’s a ka-boom.
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